Ask The Galaxy Brains
Each lunar cycle, a human will be allowed to ask The Galaxy Brains a question. In this session, the human will have a choice of answers to consume from three different Galaxy Brains. Please send all questions, be they advise, desire for human-life coaching, knowledge of future or past, or merely interesting recipes, to, to mm@michaelmurray.ca.
HUMAN QUESTION:
How do I stop judging myself for everything?
ANSWER #1 FROM GALAXY BRAIN JIM DIORIO:
Wow.
You’re amazing. Really, you’re amazing.
I can’t believe how vulnerable and open you’re being, despite what is clearly a ton of pain. A lifetime of it, I’ll bet.
I am completely blown away that you were able to do what you just did. With all you’ve been through.
I don’t say this very often, but you got to me.
And you know what? If you want it, the pain can end today. Right now.
Whatever led you here, whatever brought us together… whatever you want to call it: magic, harmony, God, fate… you are about to have more of it than you ever thought possible.
And I’m not alone in wanting this for you. There’s a whole community of us here who found each other the same way you did — by sending out a hope or a prayer into the universe, at a moment when we were at our lowest, our most desperate. And somehow, despite all the noise and chaos in the world, that prayer got heard by the very people who were meant to hear it.
You can use the “m” word if you want. That’s okay with me. But here’s the thing: when things that most people would call miracles happen every day, which is what happens up here, are they still miracles? Or are they simply what we call life, the way life’s meant to be? Joyous. Simple. Filled with meaning. So much meaning that all the other things we thought were supposed to bring us meaning, like possessions, or “success”, or even love just pale by comparison.
There’s all kinds of people up here. One wrote three best-selling books, another worked as a waiter — we don’t care what you did, that was then. Another was a top corporate lawyer. His country house had its own airport! But when he found us, got to know us, well, we all live there now. It’s heaven. We get up at dawn every morning to meditate among the trees and just be together before we start our days. I’ve never seen happier, more fulfilled people. And every one of them got here the same way, by asking the same kind of question you did. They were all in pain like you. Now they absolutely glow. I’m getting way ahead of myself here, but I would love to see that happen for you.
I’m going to have Heather call you. She got a huge vibe from your question, she said it ran right through her, and she wants to share her story with you. She is the kindest, gentlest, most beautiful person you’ll ever meet. She actually blushed after I suggested she call you, because I think she likes you. I do, too. How could anyone not? (But I think she likes you more. She even thought up a name for you to have up here. That’s rare, that happening so quickly. But that’s how your question affected us.)
Heather’s not her real name, of course, and that’s not what we call her up here. But we try to keep things discreet, because that’s how everyone here wants it. Also, she’ll be calling you from an unknown number, because, like I just said, we value our privacy. We had a bad experience with a reporter a couple of years ago who snooped around, didn’t find what he was looking for, then made up all kinds of lies about us. It’s incredible what pain makes some people do, isn’t it?
If it’s okay, I’m going to have Heather call you tonight, after our group dinner. We grow our food here, we eat it, and we sell it. Not directly anymore, because of that darn reporter. Through farmers. They leave us alone, we leave them alone. But you’re never alone here. There’s always someone to talk to, and of course, my doors are always open. All of them. Anytime. Maybe you need to talk. Maybe you need to listen. Maybe you need more. It’s all here.
Wow, look at me going on and on! And you haven’t even been up here! That’s what happens when you feel a connection. We all felt, it, not just Heather. (Okay, she felt it a little more. 🙂 So tell you what: send me your number and she’ll call you around eight. You can talk as much as you want, although we’re usually in bed by 10. And if you’d like to come up for a few days to check out our little world, that can be arranged. Just don’t tell anyone, because you see, unlike your so-called family — the one that led to you asking that question in the first place — we pick who we want to be with, and we’re very choosy. So we don’t want just anyone thinking they can join us. We’re not a club, we’re a chosen family, and if you want to call me the leader, that’s fine. If people do, it’s because they want to, and I’ve learned a few things that have helped them find the joy they have today. It might have been in a casual chat, or it might have been in a three-day session — who knows!!
And about the call: the line might sound kind of funny, because we’re really deep in the woods and there’s all kinds of twists in the cables. So if you hear little noises or it sounds like someone’s listening in, that’s just the line. It’ll just be you and Heather. And you can ask her anything.
I can’t wait to hear from you — through Heather, of course. And again, this is between us. You see, most people just wouldn’t get what I’ve shared here, but somehow I know that you do. I feel it. We all did. We’ve never met you but we feel like we’ve known you forever. And I wouldn’t be surprised if you feel exactly the same way. Especially after you talk with Heather.
Thank you for that. And remember, shhh! 🙂
ANSWER #2 FROM GALAXY BRAIN JANE WILSON:
ANSWER #3 FROM GALAXY BRAIN KATHRYN McLEOD:
Exactly, Judgy McJudgerson – if you’re busy judging yourself all the time, when do you judge humble bragging virtue signalers?
It is, quite literally, an HBVS epidemic out there.
But first, are you sure you’re judging yourself and not just holding yourself to a higher standard? Because there’s nothing wrong with that. After all, it’s not just an HBVS epidemic out there – it’s a freakin’ shit show.
Let me tell you a story about judgment.
Back when I was a stay-at-home-mom, I was visiting my friend, Molly, because stay-at-home moms can’t be choosy. Also, Molly was fun for me because she was Irish Catholic, came from money, and grew up in Manchester hating the English for the potato famine. I grew up middle-class in Northern Ontario enough generations away from Scotland that when a lingerie shopkeeper in Paris asked me where I was from I said, “Canada”. Finally, after asking me a dozen more times, and with me still answering “Canada”, except now, “Canada?” he finally yelled, “No one’s from Canada. Where are you from!” After I said, “Northern Ontario?” and then, “the Sault?” and his face turned purple with exasperation, I finally landed on what he wanted to hear.
“Scotland?”
But by then I may as well have had an American flag sewn on my backpack, he was so done with my colonial rubeness. Everything was far too expensive for me anyway, so when a Parisienne came in to the shop, I clomped out like a big ol’ lumberjill to continue honeymooning in my Buster Browns.
Anyway, Molly and I both had our share of party days before roping one off from the herd, having kids, and finding ourselves left behind in the no-fun-now lane of stay-at-home-momdom. I really took to it because – exactly – I hail from the land of haggis, work-hard-then-die, and John Knox.
So, to this particular day. I said to Molly, “I think I’m going to work on being less judgmental?” (I used my questioning tone because Molly was unpredictable.) To which Molly replied, in her husky cackle, “Jaysus, Mary and Joseph – you’re already no fun. Being less judgmental will just put you in negative fun territory. Get out right now before you bore me to death. Kidding. Jennifer dropped off some of her shitty homemade muffins. Want one?”
Of course I had one, and it wasn’t that shitty, but Jennifer really was a terrible baker. Muffins, after all, are the no-brainers of baking. Fortunately, kids will eat anything with enough jam on it, so I took them all home with me.
Look, I know, you’re tired of that little voice in your head, Judgy McJudgerson. I get it. I do. You’re a big ol’ #Fail both outside and in. So, here’s a trick I learned online, which is otherwise a worse shit show than offline, and ultimately the ruination of us all, so just take this trick and never go online again.
There was an asshole, a real piece of you-know-what. I encountered him online almost as soon as I’d ventured forth. Right away he got into my head. It went on for years, too. Years. He actually had me thinking I wasn’t good enough to be online, never mind off. Then I read a piece of advice in one of those self-help articles posted by an HBVSer that would normally just add to my mental to do list, making me feel even more judgmental of myself. It advised taking a bit of time every day to wish my worst enemy well. Really mean it, too. Like, put mental muscle into it. Wish that asshole well.
(Also, stop checking out his posts, which is just the online equivalent of preventing a real life sore from healing by picking at the scab 24/7.)
So I did it. Every day I would take a bit of time to wish this asshole well. Lo and behold, he started doing well. And instead of his doing well making me bitter, as I had worried, he left my head. He was out there now, instead of in here, experiencing life in his chosen way, nothing to do with me except for the credit I could give myself for wishing him well.
His success was now my success.
Get it? That’s right. You’re that asshole in your head just like I was the asshole in mine (so two assholes in my head!). Just do it. Take a bit of time, every day, and wish yourself well. Because you, Judgy McJudgerson, are being your own worst enemy instead of the best wisher of wellness to yourself you can be. I guarantee you’ll be amazed at the results and your self-judgment will drop to stuff like cutting your own bangs and wearing too-tight shoes – which you should judge yourself for because wtf?
And then pay it forward, as the HBVSers claim they do in shitty coffee shops every other day for people who apparently don’t know any better. Because once you’ve banished that asshole from your head – you – you need to take a bit of time every day to wish HBVSers well.
Trust me, they need our well-wishing even more than we do.
The Galaxy Brains
One terrible night in 1984 she asked a non-pregnant woman when her baby was due. The horror of that moment lives with her still and she has never forgotten it. She thinks some worries are useful lessons, but most are just crap.
The humans put the money in the money basket -- so that all contributors may become plump with their labour.