Ask The Galaxy Brains

Each lunar cycle, a human person–with a preference given to those who make donations to our enterprise– will be allowed to ask The Galaxy Brains a question. In this session, the human will have a choice of answers to consume from three different Galaxy Brains. Please send all questions, be they advise, desire for human-life coaching, knowledge of future or past, or merely interesting recipes, to, to mm@michaelmurray.ca.

Q: How can I worry less, and enjoy life more? ( Human name and location withheld for security purposes)

Answer #1 from Galaxy Brain Jim Diorio:

For starters, I want to thank you for being so brave and open. Now I’m not a mind reader, but like many people I can read between the lines and do have some understanding of fetishes, so based on your question, the affliction that you seem to be dealing with sounds like a very rare one indeed. Maybe if you were to discreetly advertise on a site like Craigslist for others who are also stimulated by people with leg braces and orthopedics and such? You might also seek employment in a store that sells these sorts of devices. Many romances are sparked at work, and I don’t see why one between people whose needs can only be met at the sight of a titanium head support or a stump sock should be any different. We all deserve love, even the deranged.

As for the core of your question, I’ve been around the block a time or two and I’ve got some insight on this, based on simply living life. I suggest becoming an Elvis impersonator. Many people find great comfort in “the King’s” music, and being able to bring it to them would give you the joy of making others happy, which is the greatest joy of all. I can also confidently assume from your question that you are what is referred to as super obese, the next, penultimate level after morbid. To me, the prospect of a profusely sweating whale in a bejewelled satin jumpsuit (and possibly full torso brace?) still finding the courage, despite the truly sick cards that life has dealt them, to selflessly bring joy to others, no doubt people of equal if not worse misfortune, is something that should fill you with tremendous pride, satisfaction, and yes, enjoyment of life. You, my friend, represent everything the King died alone on his toilet for!

Answer #2 from Galaxy Brain Jane Wilson:

Answer #3 from Galaxy Brain Elxuth:

Oh, my human asks the most adorable question!!

Like the Sea-Monkey, the neurochemistry of your brain organ will not permit you to worry less. It is your very nature to pointlessly allow your misgivings to overwhelm and cripple you. How can I put this so that it might ignite the favourable regions in your brain? For a human to ask to worry less would be like lithium accelerators asking to be a proton reindeer. Do you see, my little one? Your destiny is fixed, but do not wound yourself or ingest poisons! You should rest assured that The Galaxy Brains will always take good care of you! We love you and come in peace!! My beautiful dessert, you must also know that life is not something that exists in this time line for your enjoyment. In this time line the best a human may do is make financial sacrifices to the Galaxy Brains and nourish oneself with fatty calories. This is how the universe must unfold.